


How You Get the Guy

by agoodpersonrose



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And they were co-workers, Awkward Crush, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28673016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agoodpersonrose/pseuds/agoodpersonrose
Summary: Are you crushing on someone who just doesn’t seem to take the hint?Are you sick of waiting around for your guy to make the first move?Here are some of the most well-known tips and tricks for winning yourself the man of your dreams. Just follow these steps and soon enough you’ll be swooning in the arms of your very own Prince Charming!After the failed date on David's birthday, Patrick takes more drastic measures to make his feelings towards David clear.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 77
Kudos: 307





	How You Get the Guy

Despite the various down-sides of his current accommodation, Patrick actually doesn’t hate living with Ray. Sure, the man is a little pushy, and he could learn a lesson or two about closed doors and privacy. But he’s quiet, and clean, and he has been incredibly kind, to let Patrick stay with him off the street, with minimal questioning of why he had turned up on his doorstep, flushed in the face and jumpy, and so secretive.

So, despite everything, Patrick is quite fond of Ray.

The house is perhaps not the style he would have chosen; it’s an ‘open office slash living space’ wherein the work area seems to pervade into the living area a little more than he would like. Ray is a collector above all else, and the shelves in every room are stacked with old awards, cat statues, and most notably, magazines.

It’s in one of these magazines that Patrick finds the article. It is turkey lasagne night, and Patrick is patiently waiting in the lounge while Ray finishes scraping off the charred lumps from the top of the dish. An old copy of The Elmdale Chatter is sat on the coffee table in centre view, open on a page titled ‘How to Get Your Guy’.

Patrick lets out a breathy laugh but something, curiosity perhaps, makes him reach out and pick up the magazine.

_Are you crushing on someone who just doesn’t seem to take the hint?_

_Are you sick of waiting around for your guy to make the first move?_

_Here are some of the most well-known tips and tricks for winning yourself the man of your dreams. Just follow these steps and soon enough you’ll be swooning in the arms of your very own Prince Charming!_

Patrick snorts, “As if,” he murmurs to himself.

“Patrick! Dinner is on the table! I managed to get almost all of the burned patches scraped off!” Ray’s voice calls from the other room.

“Sounds great, I’ll be right there!” and without even thinking twice about what he’s doing, Patrick takes the magazine and slips it into the front pocket of his work satchel which is sat in the corner of the room.

  1. _Compliment him._



_Guys like to feel like you’re paying attention to the way they look, so say something complimentary about their haircut, or winning a football game. It’s not just the ladies who enjoy getting a kind comment._

He’s thinking about the article again the next day at the store. David hasn’t arrived yet and there haven’t been many customers, so Patrick allows himself a quick peek at the first piece of advice in the column.

“Compliment him?” he wonders aloud. He’s about to scoff at the suggestion, thinking it too needy and pathetic, but then he suddenly remembers the evening at the café just a few days before, on David’s birthday.

_“You look nice.”_

He remembers how those few words from David had set a fire in his stomach. How he’d felt the warmth all evening long, even when Stevie arrived. Even when he realised that he’d left the gift at Ray’s and had nothing to give David for his birthday. Those words made him feel unlike ever before.

Patrick is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t see David approaching the door, looking confused at his business partner’s dazed expression.

“Hi--”

“You look nice today, David.”

David pauses as the door slips shut behind him and looks down at his outfit. “Okay, there is no need for that sort of attitude. I know I’m a little late, but you said it was fine that I got here for ten as long as I closed up!” he replies sharply, seeming embarrassed and annoyed by Patrick’s words.

“What, that’s not--”

“It’s not even my fault, Alexis shut herself in the bathroom for like an hour this morning, and used the last of my French moisturiser, which means my skin is going to have to adjust to our stuff, which is not necessarily bad it’s just different. So, if you could keep your comments to yourself, that would be appreciated. Thank you.”

Without another word, David stalks past Patrick into the backroom to put away his bag, leaving Patrick to stare around the empty store in confusion.

Maybe he should take a look at the next suggestion and try that instead.

  1. _Laugh at his jokes._



_Make him feel like you’re enjoying his company. Everybody loves feeling like they have made someone happy so give your guy an ego boost!_

Patrick checks the magazine again during his lunch break, swiftly shoving it back in his bag whenever he hears David’s footsteps coming nearer the curtain. This one seems logical. David is already pretty funny as it is; he has this dry sense of humour that intrigued Patrick from the start, and never fails to have a comment for every situation.

Laughing along with David’s jokes seems like no pressure at all.

Unfortunately, David’s bad mood doesn’t seem to have changed much since this morning. They are polite, of course, but he seems withdrawn, and a little quiet, so there aren’t many opportunities to put this particular suggestion into play.

He thinks he’s found his chance when, later in the afternoon, Stevie arrives in the store. This is usually a good thing. David usually softens around his best friend, and hopefully whatever has been bothering him will be weeded out between Patrick and Stevie’s nudging.

Today, Stevie’s presence seems to be having the opposite effect.

“What do you want?” David asks as soon as she steps through the door.

“Is this how you treat all your customers?”

“Only the unwelcome ones.”

Stevie gasps in fake offence and raises a hand to her chest as if mortally wounded. “Are you saying that I’m not welcome here?”

“Right now? No, you’re not.”

Stevie is looking between David and Patrick with curiosity. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Stevie,” David almost growls, his warning tone doing _something_ to Patrick even as he tries to detangle the twisted web of whatever conversation is taking place right in front of his face. “Don’t.”

There is silence for a moment, and Patrick tries not to squirm under the weight of Stevie’s calculating gaze. “So, Friday was a fun night, huh?” she asks after a few heated moments. “I’m really glad you invited me, Patrick.”

“Oh, um, did I--?”

“Unless you _didn’t_ invite me. Although I can’t imagine why else you would dress up in a dinner jacket to go to the café with David, something the two of you do what? At least three times a week?”

“Oh my God, she’s just joking,” David says, turning towards Patrick with an apologetic look. “Can you imagine? You were just looking for an excuse to wear a dinner jacket, right? I mean, it’s not as if you would ever ask _this_ out,” he gestures down to his body, and Patrick’s eyes flicker along with it, distracted by the movement before snapping out of it at the sound of David’s laughter.

Thinking solely of the magazine, Patrick laughs along, forcing the sound out of his mouth and then immediately stopping when David’s face falls, and even Stevie seems uncomfortable all of a sudden. “Um, I mean- I didn’t mean--”

“Um, Stevie, shall we- Coffee?” David asks, seeming embarrassed all of a sudden, and Patrick finds himself wishing that the ground would just swallow him whole. “I’ll be back soon, Patrick, I’ll get you a tea.”

Patrick opens his mouth to respond, but they have already rushed out of the room without so much of a second glance.

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself, raising a hand to rub over his eyes in frustration. “ _Fuck._ ”

  1. _Dress provocatively._



_There is nothing wrong with showing off your best qualities. Don’t be afraid to show off a little skin to get a guy’s attention! After all, we’re all just animals at heart._

Patrick resolves to make the next day better. He sits in bed all evening staring at the article and thinking about David. So, the more verbal attempts had failed, but Patrick can blame that on his own flustered nature whenever he’s around his business partner.

But this; this is something he can try. Patrick makes a mental tally of all of his clothes. Not a wide variety in any form, but some options. Some things he could… make work.

Patrick sets his alarm early for the next morning. He goes on a morning jog around the neighbourhood, treats himself to a hot shower and a shave, and then lingers in front of his wardrobe, his white fluffy towel tied securely around his waist.

He flicks through his shirts, lingering just slightly on a new green one, before slipping past it to a silky black one he had bought just a few weeks before; a reflex purchase from a time when he was still coming to terms with his sexuality.

He pairs it with his tightest pair of jeans and stands in front of the mirror just a moment longer. He’s just about to head out the door when he stops, suddenly, and unbuttons just one more of the buttons, exposing slightly more of the curve of his neck, and angle of his collarbone.

“Not bad, not bad,” he mutters, giving himself one more look-over before grabbing his bag and heading out Ray’s front door.

When he gets to work, David is already there, it being his morning to open. He has the corkboard out and is focusing hard on the stock count, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he ticks off things on the list.

David has always been like this in the store; hyper-focused and so careful. Like he’s worried that he’ll blink, and it will all fall to pieces around him. It was one of the things that first attracted Patrick to him- to the store. This unshaking sense of pride in his work, of commitment to seeing it through.

Patrick allows himself a minute to linger in the doorway and watch David work, mouthing numbers as he counts, not seeming to have noticed Patrick’s presence just yet.

“Is it all looking good?” Patrick asks after a moment’s silence.

David smirks and looks up at Patrick through his eyelashes, not at all startled by his sudden appearance. In fact, he seems amused by something, as if he had been playing a game, and seeing how long it would take for Patrick to make his presence clear. “The store hasn’t burned down just yet.”

“Good, that’s- good.”

Patrick tries to act normally, but he can’t stop himself from staring just slightly at David, hoping for any indication that the other man has recognised his change in appearance.

There is no reaction for most of the day, so Patrick goes to emergency measures. Whilst in the back room on a break, he unbuttons just one more of his shiny white shirt buttons, and heads to stand at the checkout counter.

David is distracted serving a customer, so Patrick waits patiently, until he finally leads the elderly woman over to the cash. “My colleague Patrick will check you out, Mrs Lee.”

“Thank you very much, dear- Oh!”

The woman turns her attention to Patrick and immediately covers her mouth which has begun to curve into a grin. Patrick blinks at her in surprise, flashing an awkward smile as he cashes her up and hands her the bag.

“Have a good day,” he says as she takes the tote and places it over her shoulder.

“You too, dear.”

She giggles again as she exits, and Patrick turns to David who has bitten down on his lips to suppress his grin. “What?”

“Might be going a little low there,” David murmurs, stepping closer to him and putting his hands on the front of his shirt. Patrick’s heart almost leaps out of his chest at the feeling of David’s hands on his bare chest as he rebuttons the shirt to its usual level, resting his hands fleetingly against Patrick’s pecks to pat the collars back down and stepping away.

Patrick almost whimpers at the loss.

“Oh, I didn’t realise it was so low,” he murmurs, putting his own hands where David’s had been and feeling his face flushing crimson red. “Um, thank you, I--”

“It’s fine, it looked good, just, maybe not for the workplace,” David replies consolingly. He’s still smiling, and his eyes are roving all over Patrick’s face as he talks, clearly taking much amusement in the situation.

Patrick wishes he could dig a hole and bury himself, but he does the next best thing. He steps out of the heat of David’s gaze and grabs for the stock sheet on the side. “I have some work to do in the back so- Can you handle the front of the store?”

David’s face falls momentarily, seeming disappointed by something before he plasters a smile back on his face. “Sure, take as much time as you need.”

  1. _Draw attention to your mouth._



_This is one that should come naturally to most girls. Drawing a guy’s attention down to your mouth is a sure-fire way to get him thinking about kissing, and whose lips are closest?_

Patrick really isn’t sure how successful this one could possibly be, but he resolves to try his very hardest to make it a success.

He can’t count the number of times he has found himself entranced by _David’s_ lips. Every time he brings a smoothie from the café, and wraps his lips around the straw, sucking slowly. Patrick would swear that sometimes David purposefully looks up as he does so and catches eye contact with him while he does so, and the sight never fails to drive him wild.

So, when he emerges from the backroom, Patrick plants himself at the front desk, and immediately puts his pen to his mouth, chewing just slightly on the lid of his biro and looking up across the room at David.

David smiles back, tucking it into the corner of his mouth as he straightens up the products on the centre display.

“Is the new shipment of moisturiser coming tomorrow?” Patrick asks, pulling the pen away from his mouth as he talks, and then bringing it back to tap and push slightly against his bottom lip as he waits for David’s response, hoping to make it look tempting somehow.

“Yes, and the hand cream.”

“What about the cleansers?”

“We still have back stock from the last delivery, so we were going to skip a month, remember?”

Patrick nods, and follows David’s movement as he slips behind the curtain to the backroom and emerges with a feather duster. He bites the pen harder as David reaches up to dust the top shelves, the back of his sweatshirt riding up just slightly, revealing the clear skin of his lower back.

“Oh--” Patrick startles as a wet fluid fills his mouth, and startles away to find he has bitten the pen so hard that he has cracked through the plastic, and now has ink covering his lips. “Oh my--”

“What- Oh my God, Patrick! What did you do?” David exclaims when he turns back around to find out what is happening.

“I don’t know, I was just--”

“Come here,” David says, leading him around the counter and to the back of the store, and into the little bathroom. He hands Patrick a bottle of water and starts digging around for a cloth of some sort. “Spit, don’t swallow,” David says as he searches through the cabinets.

Patrick makes an amused noise, earning him a humour filled glance from David in response.

“Now’s not the time,” David chides as he finally makes a sound of achievement and pulls out a flannel. “I knew I’d stashed them in here somewhere. Just in case of emergency.”

He runs the flannel under the sink and reaches over to wipe around Patrick’s mouth with gentle care, removing the ink from his face and cleaning him off with almost loving focus. His hand where it cups Patrick’s chin is warm, and Patrick lets himself lean into it just slightly, watching as David’s eyes narrow in focus.

“There you go, you’re going to need to brush your teeth. Spit again,” David directs, and Patrick does so, looking at him with wide brown eyes filled with awe. “Um, I can close up if you want to go and, do that.”

Patrick considers arguing, but he runs his tongue around his teeth and winces at the bitter taste of the ink in his mouth. It seems he’s achieved his aim of getting David’s attention on his mouth, but he can’t help but lose faith at the fact he has done so in utterly the wrong way.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that, thank you, David.”

  1. _Find excuses to touch him._



_Touch is an excellent way to get past the friend zone. Your special guy might be thinking that you’re not interested until you start laying on the more physical hints; touching his arm, leaning into him, anything that gets you physically closer to each other._

Patrick is so embarrassed by the whole pen fiasco, that he protests against the article for almost several days after. It’s only when a tall, rugged looking guy comes into the store on the Thursday morning, and kisses David straight on the lips, that he resolves to continue his attempts.

As it turns out, David is not in love with Jake. He’s actually rather opposed to his general presence. While Patrick is sympathetic and supportive of David while he blushes, and explains, he is also registering that David seems a little more flustered from the physicality of Jake than he perhaps should be.

He decides that perhaps the articles next piece of advice isn’t so wrong after all.

It starts with brief, meaningless touches. The brushing of fingers against David’s back as he passes in tight spaces, and the re-assuring pats on David’s shoulder as he stresses about stock count and community cohesion.

About halfway through the day, David seems to turn the tables on Patrick. He’s putting on hand cream, and squeezes the bottle far too hard, ending up with a huge clump of moisturiser in his palm.

“Ugh, come here,” David mutters, gesturing Patrick over, which he does. Because of course he does.

David takes Patrick’s hands between his own and slowly, with great care, rubs the excess moisturiser onto his palms. His dexterous fingers rub it into the creases of his palm, along the dry knuckles on the back of his hand, and into the soft webbed areas between each finger.

“There you go,” he says quietly. They’re stood so closely that Patrick can feel the warm breath on his own lips as David speaks. He tilts his head up a bit and smiles, catching David’s eyes in a look of bashful amusement.

“It smells good,” Patrick says after a while, unsure of what else to do otherwise.

“Yeah? It’s a new batch- honey and lime.”

“Exotic,” Patrick chokes out, though he’s not sure why. David quirks an eyebrow up at his questionable response and finally steps back.

“I should, um, restock the scarves.”

David heads across the room to where the cardboard box is already waiting for him. Patrick watches as he wraps the scarves neatly around the display, pulling and tugging at them until they sit in exactly the right way.

Patrick hesitates for a moment before nodding resolutely to himself and following David across the room. He grabs one of the scarves from the box and, when David turns around to grab the next one, Patrick throws the length of the scarf around David’s neck in a trick that Alexis had been teaching him the first time they met.

“Huh, oh--”

“Are these from the new stock, they’re nice. Soft,” Patrick says, not quite going for the full Alexis experience, but pulling at the ends of the scarf just slightly, so that David has to step closer. “You should damage one out.”

“Patrick, you shouldn’t--”

“Let me guess, scarves are incorrect?”

“No, Patrick--”

“I’m sure Brenda could knit you one in one of your block colours. Black, or, well- or black--”

“Patrick, these are the new cat hair scarves!” David finally gets out, tugging the ends out of Patrick’s hands and taking a large step back. “Remember? We said I would be in charge of sorting them.”

“Oh.” Patrick finally registers the irritation around his wrists and looks down to find the skin red and bumpy where it had been touching the fabric. He tries not to scratch at it but can’t resist rubbing over the growing sore patches in frustration.

“Come on, I have some cream under the counter, and an antihistamine. I figured this would happen at some point.”

Patrick lets himself get led back across the store, and at least takes pride in the way that David’s hand is tucked under his elbow, holding him close as he takes care of him.

  1. _Give him gifts that make you think of him._



_Who doesn’t love a good gift? Get him something a little special that shows that you appreciate his friendship, and perhaps would appreciate something a little more…_

The next suggestion on the list is far more in Patrick’s wheelhouse. He has always been a gift giver, first with his parents and then with his friends and partners. He loves the experience of getting someone something they don’t even realise they need and watching the joy and surprise in their eyes as they open it up to reveal the unexpected.

The next day, Patrick is away at vendor visits all morning while David covers at the store. He finds himself missing David all day; reminded of him through the products he’s sampling, and the conversations about his ‘dashing business partner’, so universally adored all around the Elmdale area.

The bell above the door celebrates his return, but there is no similar response from David, who is hunched over the laptop at the front desk, focusing hard on something.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Oh--” David seems surprised to see him and straightens up a little. “Good, you’re back, I can go and sit in the back room to finish this.”

“Wait- David?”

David pauses from where he has already turned around to head through the curtain and looks over with a raised eyebrow. “What?”

“I- um, I got you something.”

David is silent, but the turn of his head shows his curiosity.

“Um, here--” Patrick struggles with the boxes for a moment, placing them on the counter and finally handing the small bag over to David with a tentative grin. “I thought you might like some of the peanut butter squares from the Mennonite farm? I remember you mentioning last time that you didn’t really get to eat many of them thanks to Alexis--”

“You think they’d be a good thing to sell at the store?” David asks, looking suspicious rather than pleased.

“Um, well--”

“Because I already decided not to stock them. We’re taking on their hand carved goods already so there is no reason for them to be offended.”

“No this wasn’t a business gift it was a--” Patrick cuts off; his mouth still open as David stares at him blankly. “They just had some spares, so I thought- well, that you might want some.”

David nods, finally seeming satisfied with the answer, and carries the bag into the back room. “Thank you, Patrick,” he calls as he disappears. “Can you sort out the--”

“Yeah, I’ll sort it out,” Patrick says, sighing and shoving his hands in his pockets as he looks around the store. He gives himself a minute of disappointment before pulling himself together, ready to move on to the final step.

  1. _Play the damsel in distress._



_Guys love to feel useful, even more so when they are able to protect their damsel in distress. Put yourself in a situation where your guy can offer his expertise (or physical strength) to help you out, creating endorphins enough for a generous thank you in return!_

Patrick has almost run out of steam by the time he reaches the final suggestion, but he is a perfectionist and decides to follow through with it anyway. That way he can give the article his full judgement when it has failed to work.

Acting up as the ‘damsel in distress’ isn’t exactly in Patrick’s wheelhouse. He’s used to showing his affection for someone by helping them; being the one to lend a hand and jump in to help.

But, looking back on the week he’s had, Patrick realises that David is much more of a caretaker than he’d realised, and just maybe somebody he can trusts to take care of him.

With this in mind, Patrick heads across the store to put up the shelves that had arrived the morning before. He puts the top one up with no issue but decides that he’ll pretend that the second one is too heavy and call David over to help.

He screws the supports in and is just raising it up when he opens his mouth to yell for David. Before he can, however, the balance tilts and the whole thing slips precariously to the side.

Patrick lets out a yelp as he catches the plank of wood, smashing his hand into it in the process and knocking several jars off the table next to him.

“Patrick?!” David exclaims, rushing out of the back room and heading over. “What are you doing?”

Between them, they get the heavy shelf back on the floor. Patrick steps back, taking deep breaths and trying not to react too badly; there’s a fine line between damsel in distress and whiny baby.

“What happened? Let me have a look,” David says when he catches him clutching at his right thumb with wide eyes. He clucks at it but decides there doesn’t seem to be any cause for real medical attention. That doesn’t stop the tears from welling up in Patrick’s eyes, however. “Are you going to be okay?”

Patrick sniffs harshly and tries really hard not to cry. “I’m fine, David.”

“Okay, well, you don’t look very fine. Do you need to go to a doctor?”

“No,” Patrick mumbles, sulkily. He expects David to get annoyed, maybe storm off and tell him to get over himself. Instead, David grins slightly, and opens his arms for a hug.

“Come here,” he says, tugging Patrick in easily. “You should have told me you were going to put that up, I would have come and helped you.”

Patrick shrugs where his face is buried against David’s neck, breathing in the smoky cologne as his heartbeat slows down, and he feels less like he’s about to burst into tears. “I know, I just- wanted to do it for you.”

“Okay, okay--” David says gently, his hands stroking patterns on Patricks back as he soothes him. “Let’s swap places. I think I can put the last piece of this up if you’ll go and take over on the spreadsheets. They’re giving me a headache anyway.”

“Oh, you don’t--”

“I insist. Go on, please?”

Patrick never could resist David’s pleading eyes so he easily gives in, nodding, with the slightest hint of a smile as he heads back to the laptop in the back room, glancing back as he does so to find David watching him with a small, pleased smile.

_Close,_ he thinks, _but not close enough._

_If you’ve completed all these steps, then congratulations on bagging your man! Now all that’s left to do is lock him down (and celebrate of course!)_

It’s not until the next morning that Patrick takes another look at the magazine, only to scowl at its lack of further advice with disgust.

“Piece of shit,” Patrick mutters to himself, throwing the magazine down on the desk in the back room of the store and flopping back further in his chair. He glares at the glossy page with enmity and thinks back on the last few days. “God, could I get more pathetic?” he murmurs to himself, reaching his hands up to cover his face in embarrassment.

“Somebody doesn’t seem very happy.”

Patrick startles and almost falls of his chair at the sound of David’s voice from behind him. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Mhm, looks like somebody was distracted. It doesn’t seem like good business practice to spend your time wasting away in the back room reading magazines. It’s only fair that you hand it over and you can get it back at the end of the workday.” David is holding his hand out expectantly and smirking, clearly pleased to be taking on the boss-role for once.

Patrick stands up and shoves the magazine behind his back. “I’ll put it away, David.”

“Well, now I really want to see it,” David says, quirking an eyebrow curiously, seeming even more surprised when Patrick backs a step away as he approaches.

There’s a small scuffle as David feigns left and then dodges right, grabbing the magazine right out of Patrick’s hand and holding it above his head. Patrick reaches for it, but David has a height advantage, and no matter how much he strains, pressing his body against David’s in the process, he just can’t quite grab it back.

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid,” is all he can say as David finally brings it down to reading level.

“ _How to Get Your Guy, seven fool proof ways to get your crush to ask you out,_ ” David reads, his voice strained in judgement. “What trash is this, compliment him? Laugh at his jokes? Where did you get this?”

“It was just- lying on the coffee table at Ray’s and I picked it up,” Patrick says, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably and avoiding David’s piercing gaze. “Pretty stupid, huh?”

David is silent for a while as he reads the rest, before finally making a sound of disapproval and shaking his head. “This just won’t do,” he mutters, walking over to the desk and leaning over it to write something on the magazine.

“David, what--”

David thrusts it back into Patrick’s hands, and Patrick takes a second to blink at him in surprise. His teasing tone has completely evaporated and instead he is twitching nervously, flushed and awkward as he scuffs his feet on the ground in front of him.

Patrick’s gaze drops down to the article, where David’s messy scrawl has joined the list of suggestions in black sharpie at the bottom.

  1. **_Just kiss him, like he’s been trying to get you to do ever since you first met._**



Patrick opens and closes his mouth like a fish as he stares at the words on the page, completely in shock. “David- You mean, you- you--”

“I mean, if that- if this means what I think it means, then yes. Since the very beginning.”

Patrick has nothing else to say, so he doesn’t bother with words, and instead he takes two steps towards David, effectively closing the distance between them, and seals their mouths together. David gasps slightly but quickly recovers, sinking into the kiss with the desperation of a man starved, his arms coming up to wrap around Patrick’s shoulders and cling to him tightly.

David pulls away to breathe, but Patrick isn’t finished yet, and simply turns his head and chases after his soft lips, capturing them again and making a soft pleading noise which David growls in response to.

“You have no- idea- what you’ve been doing- to me,” David gasps out between kisses.

Patrick just hums in response and opens his mouth, coaxing his tongue between David’s lips and pulling him closer as he sucks lightly on it. He’s finally forced to pull back and take a few stabling breaths, his head spinning dramatically as he clings on to David purely to keep himself upright. “God, David, you’re going to kill me.”

“You’re much more likely to kill yourself, following the advice of dumb magazines instead of just _asking me out._ ”

“I did ask you out,” Patrick replies, his lips pressed against the stubble of David’s cheek, scratching him lightly as they brush against it, sending sparks down his spine that he tries hard to ignore. “On your birthday, you invited Stevie.”

David freezes. “I hate it when she’s right.”

Patrick lets out a breathless laugh.

“Seriously, she’s going to be so smug about this.”

“David,” Patrick whispers, pulling back around to speak the last few words against his lips. “I think we have more to be smug about, don’t you?”

And then he kisses him again, and again, and again, savouring the sweetness of David’s lips, the warmth of his breath, and the constant roaming hands on his shoulders, pawing at him desperately as they remain locked in their embrace.

Patrick gives himself a moment to feel thankful for the dumbest article he has ever read in his entire life, before all his thoughts are once again clouded by David. Almost a year later, he finds himself exhausted at the top of a tree climb, and when David reveals the reason for their unexpected day trip, he finds himself surprisingly forgiving. After all, he can understand the reflex.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought in the comments! ⭐️


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